I'm not a USA citizen and I love to read different cultures. I started reading about USA when first I started learning computer, I was in High School. Hollywood movies always attracted me, these movies are able to create a very shiny and modern image of USA. I was always in impression that this country is the ONE. Here people are literate , rules and regulations are on the place, currency is very strong and technology is making this country a new world. That is why this country is the leader. Women in this country are not bounded, they work with men shoulder to shoulder and I used to believe that these women must be happiest women in the world.
Well still that impression is with me, but when I started getting in touch with the Americans and started sharing thoughts, I found the image of this country in my mind is about to crash. The word "MODERN" which was making it different was about to wipe out.There are a lot of things that I observed and realized after landing here but the most sad part I observed was the life of a woman here. I was able to observe it so closely because I love my wife and she is the closest person in my life. After observing the women's life here it made me to think "who is modern and happy? USA woman or India woman? The reason I'm comparing with Indian woman because, number one I'm an Indian and second rest of the wold think Indian woman backward.
So in my observation I've seen USA girls (I'm not comparing anything with the kids), especially when they are teen agers they feel themselves are the happiest person in this world. In USA, parents can not put a hold on a child when they are teen, they can just argue, if they try to force their own child and she/he dials 911 ...than thats it...so these teen agers take advantage over them and live their life the way they want. Poor parents cant do anything. They don't study properly and get involve into all the adult activity soon. Their activities in result make these girls a Mom in their early age. I've seen many 15 years girls having babies. Sometime when I see them I laugh because at the age when they themselves are kid having a kid in other hand. Well in India there is a phrase -"if a kid burnt once by hot milk, he fears to touch cold milk", but it doesn't stop here. These girls get involved with another guy very soon and get another baby so by the age of 23 they carry 2-3 kids with them.
After having kids these women (new Women) start thinking about the true life partner, so when they find some one they tie a knot with them and started living happily. But it doesn't go happily for long time because the base of this relation was never a true love or devotion to the partner. The base of this relationship was sex so it destroys some where. It clearly happens by the age of 28-30, when a woman doesn't look as beautiful as she used to be in her teen age and her kids are growing and observing her. This is the age when they really get scared about the future but they can not show their fear, they can not take parents support and they started feeling them selves alone and get into depression. When these women reach at the age of 40 their kids are teen and they follow exactly same thing what their parents followed. These poor women can not do anything. By the age of 50 and so when their kids left them and started living alone these women find they have neither a loving husband nor kids to support her in that age, the age when an old person need rest and love these women work in grocery stores and other area, they drive car with the shaking hand and die one day in a home alone.
In other hand if I take a close look to the women in India I feel very happy about them, when they are kid they live in restrictions of their parents that some time makes them angry but it works out, they study and they enjoy the life with certain restrictions. As in India, parents are as respectable as god, rarely a child goes against them in their teen age. The result of these restrictions is the kid gets better education and focus themselves into career, so by the age of 23 these girls become Graduate/Post Graduate and they concentrate on the career. On the other hand their parents concentrate on finding a right man for their girl. Ok, this is a bit old, 40% India girls believe in Love marriage so they choose a partner (keep it in mind 1%-2% of these girls get into sex before marriage) and arrange a meeting with the parents and when parents are agree they get married with this man. By the age of 25-26 these girls become Mom and they follow the same standard what are set by their parents for them when they were kid. By the age of 40 they are more secured than a USA woman in this age. they are having a loving husband and loving kids with her. In India kids don't leave their parents like that, live together as much as possible. Because in Indian marriage sex comes after love, it brings a trust and loyalty between both the partners. Thats why India has low ratio of divorce. So by the age of 50-60 when they need some one, they found everybody around them. They don't need to work, they don't need to drive a car just have rest and care takers are there. When they die they are not alone in home.
I believe my observation will not hurt anybody, Its just my observation that I wanted to convey. I welcome all the opinions and view about my observation
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16 comments:
Well, according to my point of view, you are right. I also believe that the women belongs to India are more happy than the women in America its because of so many reasons but one of the reason i would like to mention is, here most of the women does not get a committed, loyal and truly loving husband/ boyfriend LIKE US. thats why, here they are single mother of their babies. I don't know whats wrong with these American boys, they want to have fun with girls, they believe in having affairs with the girls BUT they are afraid of getting married and to take the responsibility of that baby which is the result of there fun. They believe in living relationship but not in committed and faithful relationship i would say it "FUN" because if they really loved their girlfriends/wifes, they would be ready to take the responsibility of their kids and wife too.
Whereas in India, it is not like that..Most of the time husbands and boyfriends when they say "they are in love with any girl" that means that they are going to take the relationship for the whole life. they strongly believe in committed and faithful relationship, they are always happy to take the responsibility of there kids and this is the reason that divorce ratio in India is very low.
well i also agree to wat u have observed...becoz it happens in usa.
but i would say its a chain effect.. becoz if children who get secured family enviorment get a strong base and they emerge as better persons..
and though india has low divorce ratio but still women are abused mentally and physically in various section of indian society..
may be u r comparing the low class of US society economically with the medium to high class of indian society..
me too agree with Akshita, that mostly males here in US are commitment phobic. And the life tht an American female lead is insecured.
Though at times an Indian female may be abused physically or mentally or sometimes emotionally blackmailed in the name of children, husband & family,they accept the things. Here i am talking about an average household. The difference lies in the approach. In US if a person is not able to meet the needs of another (in a man-woman relation) normally they dump him/her, to get another one. But in India, partners adjust with each other (though mostly females) & look forward for a long term & happy relationship & work towads it. I think the acceptance of various facts of life (including the hard realities of life) is more in an Indian female, making her satisfied as compared to an average American female.
well! i do agree with you,but i think that is western culture the and they have accepted it like this.This is wrong for us b'cos we are indians.There are so many reasons why they are
first is...
1).MORAL VALUES:our moral values are ethical and in western country there is lack of moral values,care,responsibility, fairness,fulfillment in life, cooperation,trust,honesty in relationship.
second is
2)WOMEN EXPLOITATION-Women is exploited in both of the nations.Here women,knowingly get into exploitation.But in india women is exploited forcly and there are different types of exploitations,ex: early marriages,unequality,sexual abusement,etc(only in rural areas).
third is...
3).EXTRA FREEDOM-i think western country is facing this problem due to extra freedom and but India is facing Lack of freedom.here also i am mentioning about rural areas women.
forth is...
4).INDEPENTDENT-This is the major factor why this is being happening in western country.Here,doing job is not a big deal.People do not feel shamful to do small and low catagory work.So they have so many apportunities to earn money,to fulfill ther basic needs.they do not need other person's obligation.Everybody is equal here,no dependency for there needs.So they fell free to choose there interest of work either it is a matter of choosing a partner or divorse or having sex with too many people.
Here I CAN SAY INDIA'S WOMEN ARE APPRECIATABLE because having lot of freedom and apportunities in INDIA,Indian women has moral values.They do interested in love or I can say in loving making,but they do not go beyond the limits.they choose there partners first,talk to parents,marry and then get into these things.They have ther culture and ethics in the back of there mind.
fifth is...
5)LACK OF ATTENTION FROM PARENTS-
AS anant has mentioned that parent themseleves are not settled properly,then how will they manage to think about there young ones.Half of the life they change there partners and then further life in finding happiness.
But then in last i would say in western countries there are people who really love there partner,parents and kids with heart and do there responsiblities.
ANd i will also say that in India there is still few percentage people who exploite women, and also there is also few women who are eploiting themselves.....
BUT THEN INDIAN WOMEN KNOWS HOW TO GET RESPECT FROM THER PARTNER AND KIDS.....
lol...wat do u mean by 1-2 % of them have sex bfre mrg..
It shud b 65-70 % of them have sex bfre mrg
In which world do u live man ??????????
I belive I am in a unique position here, since I do agree to some of your comments and yet I dont think that the western culture has no morals or that they are only sex driven or that they are averse to commitment.
The observations here are somewhat correct and yet very superficial. What we talk about at western culture happens in India too. Only because people dont tell you, does not mean its not happening. Most women in India today understand the meaning of sexual compatibility and so they do have sex before marriage, it may not be tre for everyone, but it is happening.
And for those ladies who believe that wandering from one man to the next is something that western women do by choice, thats not true either. Many a times people are unfortunate that in spite of their commitment they are cheated, or hurt in some way. so lets not conclude about things that we dont completely understand.
I am an Indian myself and have lived in many places in India and abroad, I feel women everywhere are the same, they want the same security and love. While growing up I heard many guy talk about - 'Girlfriend Material' vs. 'Marriage Material' please dont tell me that none of you have heard of that in India. We do know of these people who eye girls and eve-tease them and yet we choose to ignore those parts when it comes to talking about Indian morality.
I think men are also the same everywhere all over the world, it is your luck if you met the right one first or the wrong one. so lets not generalise so much.. thats what i feel.
Dear writer you please come down to India and see what is woman's condition in rural and middle class families. The HAPPINESS you r talking about of Indian woman is a concept not reality. Most them live and die with compromises not with happiness. I have lived in America and I don't think there anything worng with American woman. Atleast they r bold enough to live life there ways they are not hypocrites like us. I feel you r comparing Indian woman with American woman just to prove yourself superior. The Indian woman's picture u have given is a picture of a very few woman living in Metros.
To Priyanka....
One other major grouse I have is the attitude of the NRI community in general. First of all NRIs, at least in US, seem to suffer from some sort of disease. I used to go to those infamous NRI parties. The first pet topic of discussion in those parties is to show off what they shopped during their last trip to India or Europe. Parties where people are more cautious about wearing new clothes and jewelry to show off on Diwali function rather than celebrating the spirit of the festival.
And the next pet topic is to criticize everything that is associated with India. In the process they forget to realize that in a way they are associated with India too. How can you speak so pathetically disgusting things about the country in which you spent some key years of your life? And when the guys like you start comparing US and India and in turn find all the faults with India, my blood starts boiling. I cannot stand that. And I have ended up in a bitter argument with people here on this issue. To avoid any more tension and blood boiling, I stay away from such meaningless and sickening parties. 99% of the NRIs I have come across in US indulge in so many petty phony talk that I deliberately stay away from them.
Today we are seeing westernization in our country and girls are having sex before marriage, marriages are breaking.....do you know why?? if because of the people who arways crib india and indian culture and thats where everything spoiling. We are not like Western natively, guys go lived abroad and hate everything of india are making India a dirty place.
hi ! your topic has really launched a war between our educated NRI women.check this and you will be glad to see how important your blog is...
http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=21143483&tid=2576940659963817320
the only things I know is that whenever someone in US try to defend India everybody gang up on him/her and first qsn they ask is why dont you go back to India first and thats how they win the argument.
I like the blog, and why people are fighting in orkut??? its just an observation, observation is something that comes from those things that you see often. Well you are right when somebody tries to defend India bunch of people say "why dont you go back to India" and they win over him. Well for those I would like to ask whether they want to live forever in US or UK? well I'm not.
You guys must have heard Kabir's Doha -
"maakhi gur me gadi rahi, pankh rahyo laptaye. Haath male aur sir dhune, ta pichhe pachhataye"
means Lalach is not good. I know India has many bad things but still I love India, because home is home either its Mud house or a beautiful Apartment :) cheers
So far topic has reached into another discussion, hey buddy !! here people are not discussing about ' i love India' or 'i hate India'.....you live where ever you wish to, either in caves of India because you love to Live anywhere of Indian part....
Generalizing women of U.S is stupidity.....I think this blogger has met only a few category of people who are of this kind, my dear so this is your bad luck, better you must stay there for some more time, you can perceive every kind of women over there, ok. Why don’t you forget this that our India is also accepting this culture very frequently. In every type of affairs India is just following U.S, very commonly I can give you example of costumes, which has now become a fashion of big cities’ as well some of small cities’ women of India. One more thing, don’t you know that in India also, sex has become very common before marriage. And have you not seen a single divorce case in India. This things has become very common in every nation as the increasing facility of media and net. Whole world has become advanced, and then there is every bodies personnel life and there decisions.
We are no one to discuss who is good or bad.I am also a citizen of Indian and lived different places in abroad . I fell women is same everywhere and their expectations for love and life is same as Indian women.
Hi!
I had never been to U.S so i don't know the exact scenario. But the notion that i hold abt U.s is that people whether male or female are fiercely independent there.They are free to do everything including sex irrespective of age without any hitch. But the things are not as rosy as you have portrayed in your article in India.If you'll read the personal column of any Indian magazine there's whole lot of query on sex and that too by female below 18 and also from remote cities.
Moreover, the joint family concept is giving way to nuclear families and therefore the old people are dying solitary without their kids around who too barely manage a week holiday for the parent funeral.
Hey,
I'm not an Indian. I'm a journalist so I know much about India. After reading your blog I understand what you are trying to say which many of the readers are not able to and making wrong statements. Its because of the words that you have used or some sentences. I believe this blog should have some different name.
First of all India has many bad things when it comes to woman so in general Women are more poor in India compare to USA. But Author is right in one way too at the end of the life if a woman looks behind Indian/American what she got? comparison for two happy women. Well in India 7 out of 10 happy woman blessed with kids a family and a good husband in first marriage (again I'm not talking about all women) but in USA 2 out of 10 happy women get in one marriage and 4 out of 10 get in 2-3 marriages.
So this is what I conclude from Author's note. I think author needs to work on his/her drafting. to convey his message.
To Yet another blogger....
I love India and that's why I am back in my country INDIA. I love this country that's why I am here but that doesn't mean I shall ignore the reality.
Average age of girls marriage in states
like Haryana, Punjab and Rajasthan is 14 to 17 and right after there marriage they have children at such tender age. Don't ignore the fact that in our country abortions are done on the basis of gender?
When I first read this blog I got angry because most of woman I have come across these days are in bad conditions.
i ve never been 2 US .
but im agree with poonam yadav.
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